I walked from the tube station
following the map I'd been sent. If this map was accurate I should be at the
centre within the next 15 minutes. It had been a difficult journey. Not just
the day itself, but the circumstances which had brought me to this place. It
had filled me with trepidation. Not fear as this wasn't that type of journey. I
had already learned a great deal about myself and about handling some of life's
challenges. How to manage in circumstances that could maybe overwhelm many.
Looking
back to those early days, and it now seemed such a long time ago, I realised
how far I had travelled on my journey. It had been less than a year since the
'operation' and that long period of depression before that. The professional
mind working without real focus, diverted by the inner turmoil. I hadn't
realised what it was until I'd come through it. And all without any pills or
alcohol. I hadn't been cut in the stereotactic radiosurgery. No invasive
surgery. Nothing like that. Nobody poking around inside my soul. Delving into
the depths of my core. My very being. It has always been difficult to
adequately describe this, but I have so far survived it all and all of it
involving coming to terms with the situation. It had never been a reluctance to
talk about it, but it had been the remarkable lack of information. When the
searching had started, the information was there. Not a huge amount though good
quality if you knew where to look. It had helped. An enquiring mind had wanted
more information. My mind needed this information like a cancer feeding itself.
The irony was staggering. The mind itself searching out information about that
which threatened it.
The
map was accurate and I reached the building I'd set out to find. Several people
had arrived before me and the atmosphere was subdued. Throughout the day there
were talks by professional people. Those with medical knowledge who could talk
about the science. But they did not have the more important knowledge of how to
live with such a personal issue. I was one of those who has such knowledge and
later in the day I was able to share this knowledge and in this process help
both myself and others. By explaining to parents who had lost young children.
It helped. By listening I was able to help even more. But it helped me enormously
to listen. To hear real stories. I have met with this before in different
circumstances. Listening to others' experiences. How they have dealt with
problems. To be in that tunnel of despair. To see the light approaching from
the end of the tunnel. To feel unsteady underfoot, but to know that there is an
end. Now to be outside that tunnel looking in. Helping those coming towards me.
Showing the way. Guiding far enough so that they can take over their own
future. To take control of their own destiny. It is so rewarding. It just is.
When
people realise that you have a real understanding of an issue, it becomes
easier to talk. I think a reluctance to talk can be based on hopelessness. That
nobody can understand the problem. Someone does understand as nobody is really
alone in this world. Of all the billions of individuals in this world of ours
there are many in similar circumstances, though perhaps none identical. The
real difficulty is finding people who do understand and I believe this is why
groups of people who talk over their concerns can benefit so much. It is not to
get a sympathetic ear, but an ear that leads to knowledge and real
understanding.
This
meeting took place some years ago now and I have never forgotten that day. I do
not know what has become of these people, but we all went our separate ways,
parting with our shared stories. Everybody has a story to tell. Whether you
tell your story or listen to someone else tell theirs. It does not matter. It
is the telling and listening that helps so much.
People
cannot and must not be forced to talk about those issues that are personal and
cause hugely emotional states. That is for the person to decide for him or
herself when and even if they can do this. It is my experience that just
talking and listening can have great benefit. This is all part of coming to
terms with the problem. It then ceases to be a problem. Problems can only exist
if they are not dealt with. An issue does not need to be resolved to begin to
fade. The sharp edges of the pain are less sharp. It can have a snowball
effect: as the process gains momentum then the problem starts to lessen.
Talking and listening does involve dealing with the issue. Facing it.
Confronting it.
The
talking and listening can only begin when you're ready. Don't leave it too
long.
Louis Brothnias (2005)